i swam in hell for 3 days and didnt even get burnt

Warning! Adult Content in this Post

Ok, So I was on vacation as well, I went to Germany, Denmark and Norway for the past three weeks. It was quite fun, we stayed in a almost 500 year old 5 star hotel (http://www.hotel-krone.com/de/index.html), fully paid by my rich uncle, for one week. During that week we went to many places and saw many attractions. We went on a gondola type ride thing and at the top of it, there was a bar where we all got tipsy (even us, the 'kids'). Pretty much that whole week was the 'parents' getting sh!t drunk and the 'kids' getting tipsy. The place where the hotel is located is called Assmanshousen, or as we called it "The Ass-Man's House", it is a small town where only, and I mean ONLY, old people live. So, the only place we could hang out was this small playground where, for some reason, there was a ping pong table. This was quite strange to us foreigners because there were no paddles and no ball, plus there were only old people there and I don't know about you, but I can't imagine an elderly person playing ping pong.

Greatest thing about Germany: They don't give a sh!t about the drinking age, plus there are absolutely no cops anywhere near there.

FAST FORWARD ONE WEEK

We took a seven hour car ride to Hamburg in a small, fully packed BMW 5 series. It was not fun at all and when we arrived in the shadiest part of Hamburg possible, we practically fell out of the car. It didn't look like that bad of a place until we took five steps and saw a sex shop, RIGHT NEXT TO OUR HOTEL!!! Things got a bit awkward when the parents got a bit interested in the 'items' being sold at the shop. MATURITY ALERT Now I don't mean that there was sex whips on display, I mean full on flesh lights, sex dolls and dildos. After going into our hotel and being disgusted by how hard the hotel tried to make it seem really "sexy" we decided to stroll down the street to see if we could find somewhere to have a nice family meal. We found this restaurant that, instead of chairs, had full on beds. The 'parents' thought it would be kinky to eat on beds sprawled out in the most awkward positions, so we ate there. After dinner we continued to stroll down the street, just to find more sex shops and table dancers (or whatever they're called). We saw a head-shop and went to go check it out (we had left the parents by this point). Apparently weed must have been legal or something like that because they were selling bongs, bowls and whatever else you can smoke weed out of. Oh, and guess what, that was all in one night.

FAST FORWARD 1 DAY

Ok, these weeks are the ones that really count, the weeks that Nam were on vacation. At this point I was in Norway, doing pretty much nothing. I was staying at my uncles house who has two sons, one is cool, the other one (for lack of a better word) is a jerk. So, usually the fun cousin and I have great adventures when we're together, sadly this didn't happen this time. We did do a lot together, just not as much as we usually do. We had our good moments, some of them include breaking a school window, stealing someone's bike then throwing it off a cliff, pulling an all-nighter twice in a row, going to the gas station at 4 in the morning to get some treats, doing extreme parkour, going into the woods behind his house with my sister and getting tipsy off some Brazillian vodka while having a campfire... the list goes on and on. Well, I don't really remember what else we did, so I guess this is finished now.

I went sunbathing in Artifact points in the captains quarters of my ship.

Cause I'm awesome?